From a letter January 2008:
Its 4:30 in the morning on the day we will begin traveling to meet you.
I’m excited! I am wondering how our first time meeting will be. While you’ve been told we’re coming to adopt you, we don’t know if you can understand what all that means, what expectations you may have, and whether you are as full of joy as we are. I’m delighted to become your Papa, and look forward to all of the things to come for us in the future as you grow up. We’ve tried to prepare for our transition: trying to learn the languages you currently understand, having activities to keep you happily occupied in our temporary apartment as we prepare for you to immigrate, and while on the long trip home.
I reflect on becoming a father again at 49 years of age. My father was ~5 years younger than I am now when I was your age, so I have had a role model for being an “older” Dad. I wonder about what your relationship with your soon-to-be older (adult) siblings will be like for all of you. I wonder how your Mama will adjust to being a mother for the first time of a toddler. I wonder about your cultural assimilation in America. I wonder how you will reflect on everything when you are older. I wonder what your life journey will be like: will you understand and know in your innermost self the unconditional love that your Mama and I have for you, and at the same time be able to have acceptance of never really having the full picture of your birth history and early life? I promise you I’ll do the best I can as your Papa, and look forward to the future with you as my daughter.
Reflections in June 2009:
It’s been over a year since both McKenna’s “Gotcha [Got you] Day” and we brought her home.
The one word that best describes her is “happy”. Clearly she savors just getting to be a kid who can safely and excitedly explore her universe, and I get to savor just watching her live life to its fullest. My most fulfilling moments are seeing her filled with wonder and awe with each new experience or when “the light goes on” when she grasps a new concept.
She quickly got over being scared by our huge [and docile] dog…it took the cat quite a bit longer to get over being scared of the new fast moving, close to the ground, human in the house! Who would have guessed that I could still recite from memory various children’s books (Hop on Pop, Goodnight Moon) and the intricate memories that she filed away in her mind from our first days together. Now that we have the English language (that she is age appropriately fluent in) in common, she asks questions about things, and describes feeling she had, back when we first met her.
My favorite “firsts” were 1) when for the first time decided not to finish eating everything on her dinner plate, and similarly when she expressed preference not to eat something that she didn’t like; 2) when she intentionally said, and grasped the humor of the statement “It’s a traffic jam...not a traffic peanut butter!” ; and 3) the times when she has learned new vocabulary and sentence structure and applies it on-the-spot: like interrupting herself mid-sentence on a totally unrelated topic and asking “What is a chicken beak?”.
As a father of a young child at 50, I am able to relax and enjoy the journey more than when I was a younger man. What a blessing.
-Rob Griffith